Killed For Less

I could think of worse ways to go out than being vaporized by an asteroid-caused firestorm with Pink Floyd as the soundtrack.

OH HAY GUYZ

Pictured above is the Large Hadron Collider. It is the largest particle accelerator on the planet Earth, and it is about to go online. When activated, the LHC will either:

• Produce a Higgs Boson (AKA the “God Particle”) and explain fucking everything

• Send Marty BACK TO THE FUTURE

• Create a Strangelet, also known as Anti-Matter to you plebes, causing a chain-reaction when it latches on to normal matter and reducing the Earth to a cloud of hot gas

• Clean Launchpad’s room

• Cause a miniature black hole to open that eventually swallows the universe

• Take Mario to the hidden warp zone

See you in October!

Despite Launchpad’s best efforts, sales of porn are down so far this year as smut-peddlers have been shafted reamed negatively-affected by America’s economic troubles.

“From my experience, as long as I’ve been in this business, this is the first time I can say that we’re absolutely feeling the effects of the economy,” says Steve Orenstein, president and founder of Wicked Pictures, and a 29-year veteran of the adult-entertainment industry. “There was a line we used to use about this business being recession proof. When people talked about the economy, we’d say our business is fine. But look, now you’d have to be blind and deaf not to see that there are problems.”

Turns Out Porn Isn’t Recession-Proof [Wired]

Is it possible to wax nostalgic about something that happened two years ago? VH1 attempts to answer this question with the latest entry in their dumbass popular series of decade recap shows I Love The New Milllennium, despite the fact that the decade isn’t even fucking over. I guess when they hit 2009 they’re going to start recapping the future (Spoiler: May 12th, 2009 Launchpad makes the cover of the Stranger when he comes out as gay).

If you’re like me, you have been praying, every night, that 4 Fast 4 Furious would finally reunite lovers megastars Paul Walker and Vin Diesel. 

According to Universal’s description, “When a crime brings them back to L.A., fugitive ex-con Dom Toretto (Diesel) reignites his feud with agent Brian O’Conner (Walker). But as they are forced to confront a shared enemy, Dom and Brian must give in to an uncertain new trust if they hope to outmanuever him.” [cinematical]

Truth time: Really I just wanted to post the picture of the dude in the Barbie car.

A while back on Publikhair, there was a heated argument, in which people were forced to finally come off the fence and pick a side in one of the most important issues facing American society today: Natalie or Scarlett?

I came across this picture today and it should finally settle the issue:

Clearly, Portman wins by a landslide. Because she has low standards.

Apparently this (nice song) is what $1,000 an hour gets you if you’re the governor of New York. Personally I would have sprung for one of the seven diamond girls at over $4,300 an hour. I’m sure she has a six-figure, tell-all book deal in the works already. I love America!

Woman at the Center of Governor’s Downfall [nytimes.com]

Sure, lately it seems like people are getting shot and stabbed on Capitol Hill and in the U-District on a daily basis, but all that shit is trivial compared to people racking kittens from a bookstore. It’s getting way gully in Seattle.

The Case of Shoplifted Kittens From Twice Sold Tales [CHS capitolhillseattle]